Fangirlness ReWritten 3: The Shenanigans Continue
by x-the-three-crazed-teenagers-x
Summary: Third and probably the final instalment. Our young ruffians have come from general Will-bashing to romancing nearly every male in sight to killing each other. And now this!
1. Clearly, they've never been to Singapore

_If you haven't read the previous stories, all I can say is GO TO OUR PAGE AND READ THE 1__st__ AND 2__ND__ INSTALLMENTS =D_

_To the rest of you, welcome back!  
There's a good chance I'm more excited to write this than you are to read it. Don't panic, comedy shall be brought back (well I'll try) - because reviews where people say they laugh are much better than reviews where I'm informed that computers have actually been jigged on. And I'm also watching out for people giving me menacing glares like this :/ (That completely cracked me up). So I'll spend this story trying to redeem myself!!_

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**Clearly, they've never been to Singapore **

Katy and Alex were certain they were heading to the third movie – they'd made the phone call, the third DVD was in, and after the credits, everything had gone dark...

Gradually they heard something familiar. Elizabeth eerily, but kind of flatly singing:

"_The bell has been raised from its watery grave... do you hear its sepulchral tone? A call to all, pay head the squall and turn your sails toward home. Yo ho, hail together. Hoist the colours high. Heave-ho..."_

"OWW!" Katy, of course, screamed loud enough to disrupt the entirety of Singapore's quiet streets. She and Alex had literally been dumped in a corner, behind some steps leading to the canal.

"What was that?" foreign voices were asking each other.

Alex looked at Katy in the faint light, mouthing "shut up". They still had no idea where they were.

"A dangerous song to be singing," they heard somebody say, not so far away. "For any who are ignorant of its meaning. Particularly a woman. Particularly a woman alone."

"What makes you think she's alone?" They heard Barbossa walk down the stone steps just behind them.

Katy and Alex sighed in relief and stopped cowering away in fear.

"You protect her?" the random guy said.

"What makes you think I need protecting?" Elizabeth's knife was immediately at his throat. Her eyes met Alex's, who lead Katy out of the shadows. "You're actually here!"

"Your master's expecting us. And an unexpected death would cast a slight pall..." Barbossa trailed off at the sight of the two familiar girls.

"Yes. We're back," Katy smiled.

"And we didn't get lost," added Alex. "Which is a miracle in itself."

Barbs eyes widened as he went to look around in the dead-end where they'd appeared from. "How in the blazes did you get here?"

Katy shrugged. "I'm guessing in more or less the same way we left Tia Dalma's."

"We're making sure you get Hazel back," Alex said purposefully.

Katy took a deep breath. "If she hasn't died already..."

They were suddenly all hushed and signalled to hide. Uniformed soldiers were marching about, occupying the main streets, so the Singaporean pirates lead them down the more inconspicuous, shadowy backstreets.

"Elizabeth," Barbs began as they walked. "Arm them," he gestured to Alex and Katy.

"Yeah. We know how many flipping weapons you're carrying right now," Katy said, rolling her eyes.

"But every single one of them will be taken off us," reminded Alex. "There's hardly any point."

"We'll just see about that..." Elizabeth replied petulantly, reaching into her coat and shoving a pistol into each of their hands.

It was a long walk to wherever this Sao Feng guy was, and Katy decided she needed to talk sensibly about what had happened before, and that's a big deal because Katy is rarely sensible. "Alex..."

Alex braced. She knew _that_ tone.

"Want to try and talk about what happened, or...?" Katy asked nervously.

"You're exhausting what's left of my sanity." Alex bit her lip. "Wait until I can think clearly, will you?"

Katy held up her palms, not wanting to argue all over again. As the group got closer to the bathhouse, Elizabeth started questioning Barbs about news from her dear Turnip.

Then something sparked in Alex's head. "Where the heck are Nick, Joe and Kevin?"

Katy thought for a minute. Just like her and Alex, the brothers would have had to ring somebody whilst floating around in the credits, to get the next dvd in. "...Maybe they didn't want to come."

"What?" gasped Alex. It was now her primary instinct to rectify all that had gone so wrong... and that included the absentees. "We need to fix things here! You said so yourself!"

Katy just shrugged, looking let down, thinking of Nick. "They obviously don't share that enthusiasm."

Alex couldn't think of anything to say.

They soon arrived at an obscure, round door, and were beckoned inside. The place was very well guarded, and everyone was made to part with their weapons.

Alex immediately handed over the pistol, knowing it was pointless to even try to keep it, whilst Elizabeth glared at her for giving up so easily. However, Katy was more daring and stepped forward, keeping her gun hidden.

One of Sao Feng's men stopped her. "Do you think because she is a woman we would not suspect her of treachery?"

"When you put it that way..." Barbossa said carefully.

Katy sighed and pulled out her gun. "Fine, but _she's_ your main problem," she grumbled, pointing at Elizabeth.

Elizabeth did her best little innocent expression, trying to look like a bloody Governor's daughter again.

"Remove. Please," smiled the guard.

Elizabeth huffed and threw off her coat, revealing a harness carrying several more guns, even a grenade. Barbossa just shrugged innocently on her behalf, trying to convince the suspicious men that it was all in good spirits.

And as if that wasn't enough, Elizabeth then produced a beast of a gun from her boot - this thing was like a flipping rocket launcher. Barbossa was genuinely confused as he tried to figure out where she'd been hiding _that_.

Now that everyone was convinced Elizabeth was _actually _producing these things, she was made to change into a small robe which would hide nothing. And as if that wasn't enough, Elizabeth had apparently put a black mark against every female's name... which included Katy and Alex. This era was sexist indeed.

After she changed, Alex complained right away, pulling the fabric down to try and cover her legs. "I hate this."

"Oh, _gasp_! Bare ankles!" Katy exclaimed sarcastically. "Even Elizabeth's not complaining."

"And bare calves," Alex rambled on. "And bare knees. And-"

"Stop it! Don't remind all the pervy men," Katy's eyes darted around the room.

It was quite nerve-racking for all three girls as they made their way through the bathhouse. Everybody was staring at them as they walked further inside... and they had absolutely nothing to defend themselves with.

Eventually, they reached Sao Feng. Barbossa presented himself with a ridiculously gracious bow, and gestured for the rest of them to copy him. Elizabeth, Katy and Alex gave a sort of half-hearted bob and had done with it.

"Captain Barbossa, welcome to Singapore." Sao Feng then asked one of the twins beside him for more steam. Pretty sure he puts some sort of addictive substance in that stuff..."I understand you have a request to make of me."

Barbs was careful about how he worded this. "More of a proposal to put to ye. I've a venture underway, and I find myself in need of a ship and a crew."

"Hmmm." Feng scratched his head with fingernails that _really _needed some work done. "It's an odd coincidence."

"Because you happen to have a ship and a crew you don't need?" Elizabeth butted in.

"No," Sao Feng replied. "Because earlier this day, not far from here, a thief broke into my most revered uncle's temple and tried to make off with these." He picked up the charts.

They were trying to hide it, but Barbossa and Elizabeth were both kicking themselves. Stupid Will.

"The navigational charts. The route to the farthest gate," Sao continued. "Wouldn't it be amazing if this venture of yours took you to a world beyond this one?"

"It would strain credulity at that," replied Katy. She was both surprised that she'd memorized those words and satisfied with the impressed and confusing looks she'd received in return. Line stealing _never_ got old.

Barbossa glared at Katy, a look that was quite terrifying. He obviously needed everything to go exactly to plan... and it wasn't.

Sao Feng stared at all of them carefully, then with a quick nod signalled over to a couple of his men standing over a bath of some sort, for the thief to be revealed.

Now, a couple of few things were odd about this. One, Will had not actually drowned in all that time he spent underwater and two, he wasn't alone...

Alex and Katy struggled to contain their shock.

Poor Turnip nearly choked inhaling some oxygen again, and tied by the wrist to the piece of wood, there were three other wheezing sets of lungs...

Yes, of course it was Nick, Joe and Kevin. All of them looking around the place timidly, still coughing up water.

"_This _one is the thief... Sao said walking over, poking at Will. "Where did they come from?" he quietly asked his men.

Barbossa and Elizabeth glanced at each other apprehensively whilst the brothers made awkward eye contact with Katy and Alex.

"Are _any_ of their faces familiar to you?" Sao Feng asked, still a bit confused.

The pose shook their heads.

"Then I guess..." Sao produced a sharp spike. "He has no further need for it," he said, going to kill Will.

Elizabeth couldn't hide her dismay and gasped loudly.

Sao moved away from Will and eyed all of them suspiciously. "You come into my city, you betray my hospitality..."

"Sao Feng, I assure you," began Barbossa. "I had no idea-"

"That he would get caught!"

As Sao Feng raised his voice, all manner of his bitches, so to speak, appeared. Alex edged closer and Katy started giving them all death glares.

"You intend to attempt a voyage to Davy Jones' locker and I cannot help but wonder... why?"

"To get Hazel!" Alex muttered to Katy quietly.

At this, Barbossa rather neatly and skilfully tossed Sao a coin. "The song has been sung. The time is upon us. We must convene the Brethren Court. As one of the nine pirate lords, you must honour the call."

While he said all that, Katy mouthed to Nick and his brothers "Are you okay?" All she got in return were weak nods.

"More stem," Sao Feng said quietly. Which resulted in nothing happening, so he tried again. "More stem!"

Katy and Alex remembered that the crew were below controlling the stem, and more importantly the swords which would soon come shooting through the floor.

"There is a price on all of our heads, it is true..." Sao said pensively. "Since the only way a pirate can turn a profit anymore is by _betraying other pirates_."

"It be time to put our differences aside," insisted Barbs. "The first Brethren Court gave us rule of the seas, but now that rule is being challenged by Lord Cutler Beckett."

"Against the East India Trading Company, what value is the Brethren Court? What can any of us do?"

Elizabeth was looking sulky as per usual. "You can fight!" She stormed forwards, brushing off somebody pulling her back. "Get off me! You are Sao Feng, the pirate lord of Singapore. You command in an age of piracy where bold captains sail free waters. Were waves aren't measured in feet, but as increments of fear, and those who pass the test become legend."

"For goodness sakes, she needs to shut up..." Alex looked around as Elizabeth was being looked at with extreme annoyance by several dozen angry pirates.

"Would you have that era come to an end on your watch?" continued Lizzie on. "The most notorious pirates from around the world are uniting against our enemy, and yet you sit here cowering in your bathwater!"

Elizabeth realised she'd gone a tad far and took a few steps back as she was stared down on by Sao Feng. "Elizabeth Swann. There is more to you than meets the eye, isn't there?" he asked. "And the eye does not go wanting..."

That was enough to provoke some irate struggling from Turnip.

"But I cannot help but notice you have failed to answer my question," he gestured to Barbossa. "What is it you seek in Davy Jones' locker?"

"Jack Sparrow," replied Will, resolute.

Stupid Turnip couldn't just keep quiet for a few more minutes. Katy and Alex sighed at him, and the two twins hid a giggle, clearly they had a brush or two with Jack in the past.

"He's one of the pirate lords," continued Will.

"Oh, big wow for working that one out!" Katy told him sarcastically.

"The only reason I would want Jack Sparrow returned from the land of the dead is so I could send him back myself!" Well, clearly Sao had issues, kicking over a few bits and pieces as he spoke spitefully.

"That's why we would have been better having not mentioned his name," Joe muttered to Will.

"Actually, we need to get our friend back from the locker as well, and you needn't worry because you haven't even met her..." Alex rambled, not comfortable in the hostile atmosphere.

"Why would she matter..." Sao was still facing away from them.

Barbossa gave Alex a warning look before walking over to Sao Feng. "The girl has powerful attributes that may prove useful to the Brethren..."

Katy and Alex looked at each other with raised eyebrows but were too afraid to speak again. Was Barbossa lying? Or did he want to use their future-reading abilities for his own good?

"And as for Jack Sparrow? He holds one of the nine pieces of eight," Barbs continued. "He failed to pass it along to a successor before he died, so we must go and get him back."

Sao had probably stopped listening. He was watching the ink on a man's back run – a fake tattoo. "So you admit you have deceived me. Weapons!"

Suddenly, screaming, armed men jumped out and surrounded Barbossa and the girls. As if they needed weapons – there was probably a hundred of them against _four. _Not including the other four, Will and the brothers, who were already tied up.

Barbossa held out his arms honestly. "Sao Feng, I assure you our intentions are strictly honourable."

And that was the exact moment when swords came flying out from beneath them. Even Katy and Alex found themselves with a pair each.

Barbie's 'strictly honourable' intentions were looking pretty suspicious now.

"Thanks, Gibbs!" Katy called down to the floor. "What? It's too late to pretend they aren't there _now_."

"Drop your weapons, or I kill the man!" Sao Feng threatened the spy.

"Kill him, he's not our man," Barbossa replied dismissively.

"If he's not with you, and he's not with us... who's he with?" Turnip stated the obvious yet again.

As if to answer Will's question, the East India Trading Company bombarded the place, turning it into complete chaos - and the swords all the pirates had weren't much use against the guns.

Katy and Alex promptly _ran. _They cut Nick, Joe and Kevin lose, letting Will attack people still tied up to the piece of wood, and with four cutlasses between the five of them, they stayed close to Barbossa and Elizabeth, and attempted to escape the place with their lives intact.

Which was easier said than done.

A few explosions (again, thanks to Gibbs and the crew from under the bathhouse) relieved matters slightly. But they were followed out onto the main streets, and the girls and brothers, worrying, had to defend themselves a few times. That, and Katy's ear-splitting screaming seemed enough to keep any stupid solders away. In no time at all, Singapore (and its large supply of fireworks) were in flames...

At least the fireworks were pretty. Eventually, everyone met up with Will.

"Are you_ sure_ you're okay?" Katy asked Nick again.

"Nearly drowned, but apparently we're still alive," Nick replied. With just a hint of spite...

"You have the charts?" Barbossa asked incredulously.

"And better yet, a ship and a crew," Will gestured behind him.

"Where's Sao Feng?" Elizabeth asked.

"He'll cover our escape and meet us at Shipwreck Cove."

They all raced down to the docks; the mood between Katy, Alex and the brothers no less awkward. Still, at least they were on their way to get Jack and Hazel. And on the way, they had plenty of time to sort things out...


	2. It's bloody awkward

**It's bloody awkward.**

When sailing out of Singapore, a place at war with itself thanks to the East India Trading Company's presence, the whole posse made a point of avoiding each other. Especially Katy and Nick.

But, as Joe seemed to be the shrink for all of them, (remember when he initiated circle time on the island?), so he was the first to try and sort things out. He roamed around the small ship, finding each of his brothers and Katy and Alex. He told them to meet him below, in the storage area, as he needed to talk to them. His plan was to get everybody in the same space and talk it out. Besides, in comparison to the day when the kraken took down the Pearl and they argued with each other endlessly, they all felt much more rational now, so his plan might actually work.

As Joe walking down the stairwell, he could almost feel the change in the atmosphere as he descended. It was awkward. Very, very awkward.

"Joe, what the heck is this?" Katy confronted him immediately, angry at how uncomfortable she felt around him and his brothers.

"You might call it an intervention of sorts," he replied, nervously.

"He's right," Kevin agreed, immediately seeing sense in what his brother was trying to do. "We need to rescue Hazel... and unfortunately that involves us working as a team."

"Do we look like a team orientated bunch of people to you?" sighed Nick.

"Come on, guys. Help me out." Joe was wondering if this was just a waste of time.

Alex had been pretty quiet up until now, but she still had that irrational need to fix all that she had seemingly broken. Still, she didn't realise that if would be so difficult to mend all the relationships, but she tried. "I'm _sorry_. I know you all hate me, but..." she trailed off, unsure of what more she could say.

Katy immediately felt bad. "I don't _hate _you. Nobody does... Right?" she glared at Nick, Joe and Kevin.

The brothers mumbled their half-hearted agreement.

"Very convincing," sighed Alex. "But can I just try to explain myself again, now that we've all calmed down a bit? We all would have died if Jack had come with us. I did what I had to do."

"You could have told us about your secret plan," Joe said, avoiding eye contact with her.

She certainly felt the harshness of that sentence, but Alex gathered up the tattered remains of her morale and continued. "It was a split second decision, not a plan. And I wanted to ask all of you about it, but there was enough time. It was _chaos_ on the Pearl back then. But you're right," she looked at Joe, apologetically. "I should have said something."

"And... you had to kiss him?" Katy asked.

"You can't negotiate with Jack, I had to trick him. Plus, there's proof in the movie that it worked. I... I couldn't think of another way," Alex was practically pleading with them. "It meant _nothing_..." she said quietly, to herself, and some imaginary ghost of Hazel.

There was a short pause, before Katy came to a conclusion. "I guess I can understand that. I think."

"Thank you."

"Guys, I've known her much longer than you, and I know when she's _really_ sorry," Katy muttered, trying to get the rest of them to say something positive.

"What about Hazel?" asked Nick, quite snappily.

"I didn't anticipate her witnessing it!" insisted Alex. "And it was her decision to stay. I would have dragged her by the hair to come with us, but she wouldn't even let me touch her... And I'm just praying that she's okay."

After a few more explanations and bad jokes to cut the ice, they were all on semi-talking terms. Katy and Nick both knew they'd need to talk to each other separately... but each of them would try to put it off.

After the next day or so, it the ship became covered in snow and ice, as it was pretty damn chilly.

"What's with the cold, Barbs?" Katy asked him, through chattering teeth. The ship might as well have been sailing through the Arctic Circle.

Barbossa ignored the strange girl, a struggle which became harder as temperatures plummeted and the hours crawled by.

Alex, from under the huge fur blanket she was supposedly 'sharing' with Katy and Elizabeth, was warming her fingers with her breath. She was terribly afraid of getting frostbite, and the scene from the movie where the guy snaps off his toe had taken on a whole new meaning.

The brothers had lost most of the feeling in their hands. Joe watched icicles form on his clothes, not wanting to waste energy talking.

"Don't look at me!" Kevin told Nick. "You were that told us we had to come back here."

From a distance, Katy heard that, and was so glad Nick actually _wanted_ to come back. She'd had a lot of time with her thoughts, and she knew they never should have broken up.

"Katy," Alex whispered to her. "Do something about him."

"When it's warmer," she hissed. She'd just lost her iPod and wasn't in the best of moods. She decided to yell at anyone within earshot. "Turnip! Or Elizabeth! Or... you!" she turned to a completely random member of the crew. "CHART THE SHIP AWAY FROM ALL THIS BLOODY ICE!"

Katy. Shivering, and without her iPod. Not a pretty sound. But thankfully, Barbossa had made it clear that the crew must pay no attention to the girl's crazy requests.

Meanwhile, Tia Dalma was explaining Jack's fate to the mentally challenged characters – Pintel and Regetti.

"Barbossa was only dead. Jack Sparrow is taken, body and soul, to a place not of death, but punishment. The worst fate a person can bring upon himself... stretching on forever. That's what awaits at Davy Jones' Locker."

"Then where exactly does that leave Hazel...?" Katy fretted to herself.

Alex was seated beside her, fighting over the blanket. "Don't remind me. Just_ don't_." She had to keep up this belief that her friend was perfectly fine, but that was getting rather difficult when Tia had said that the Locker was essentially purgatory.

"Well, excuse me for wondering if she's alive! What the hell's happened to her?" Katy asked Tia Dalma, concern in her voice.

Nick and his brothers tuned in. They too hoped that was purpose for their misery in the bitter cold.

Tia Dalma looked at them all carefully before answering. "She shares the fate."

Alex felt that like a slap in the face. However, she did manage not to cry. The tears probably would have frozen on her face.

"She's okay, though... we'll still be able to rescue her? Right?" Katy demanded, her protective instincts coming into play.

"I cannot say..." Tia Dalma replied hazily.

Turnip interrupted everything when he was demanding to know more about the mysterious charts. His dearly beloved Elizabeth joined in with him, pacing up and down to deck. Luckily, this meant her surrendering furry cosy blanket space to Katy and Alex, but Uufortunately, they were forced to listening to Elizabeth and Will argue over the significance of the words "Sunrise sets, flash of green" on the charts.

Barbie eventually settled it. "Ever gazed upon the green flash, Master Gibbs?" he asked, not bothering to answer the questions himself.

"I reckon I seen my fair share," Gibbs began his story. "Happens on rare occasion..."

Everybody listened to him. Besides, Gibbs has the _voice _for stories like this, and it was slightly comforting.

While he spoke, Katy had spotted the Jack the monkey shivering, and naturally her heart bled for the animal, so she decided to hold him. Shortly after, she planned to inform Barbossa that she was adopting his pet, whether he liked it or not.

As night drew in, the ice thawed, and they found themselves sailing through warmer waters. It didn't seem possible that there could be such sudden climatic changes, but then again... they were sailing into the land of the dead.

Alex was leaning over the side of the ship, organising her thoughts. Which turned out to be pretty damn difficult on her own. She'd somehow pushed all her friends away, and right now it seemed like things would never go back to the way they were before. She _missed_ all of them, even thought they were on the same ship, bar Hazel... And since she'd gone and killed Jack, Joe hadn't so much as looked at her. Just as she was beginning to like him. But he was surely a lost cause, as he'd seen firsthand how Alex's actions caused the death of one of her best friends, and the broken heart of her other friend. What sort of person would he assume she was now?

"Holy crap!" Katy cried out into the quiet, from behind Alex.

Alex suppressed a minor heart attack (a skill useful in people who were around Katy for long periods of time), before turning round to see her friend staring at the sky, then back down to sea.

"I said that, too," nodded Alex, understanding. "Those fools think I've never seen stars in my life," she gestured to Will and Elizabeth, talking on the other side of the ship.

But for the two girls, the stars were a cause for shock. They barely saw them from where they lived in back home, but here it was quite the contrary. The sea reflected thousands of the stars with as much clarity as a mirror, and in these still waters, it seemed they were sailing through the night sky.

"So this is why people complain about light pollution," Katy sighed, reflecting for a few moments. "I nearly forgot why I was here... but I do need to talk to you."

"Okay."

"Um, look, Alex, this is awkward... I mean, for a while there it seemed like you'd actually killed Hazel and caused me and Nick to break up. That's like taking the two of the most important people in my life away..."

Alex wondered if Katy was verbally attacking her again, but at least she didn't have that scowl anymore. Actually, her face had softened quite a bit.

"But you did neither of those things," Katy continued. "I'm sorry for thinking otherwise, okay? And of course I forgive you for what you actually did... because all the repercussions weren't what you intended."

Alex was amazed how earnest her friend was being, and smiled at her in appreciation. She also noticed what Katy was clutching in her hand. "That means a lot. And can I take it that finding your iPod put you in a better mood?"

Katy shrugged. "The fact that it's warmer now and the fact that _Nick_ found it for me probably helped my frame of mind, yes."

"Ah. So I take it you talked to him?"

Katy couldn't hide a slight grin. "We're working on it..."

"You're back together?"

"Well, yeah, we were only arguing before because I was all hysterical and angry."

Alex sighed in relief. That was one problem solved.

Katy read her mind. "But you do know it's going to be more difficult dealing with Hazel."

"Let's just make sure she's okay first." Alex thought they could cross that bridge when they came to it.

"I'm just saying... she was really upset."

"I was there, Katy! I saw her..." Alex relived it, and became anxious, thinking about what it would be like to talk to her again.

"Good luck with all that," teased Katy.

"You _have_ to help me," Alex stressed, in a more serious tone.

But Katy was too distracted to take it in. "What's that noise?"

"You sure pick your moments," Alex shook her head.

"Seriously, listen! It's like a faint rushing sound." Katy looked for its source, out on the water. "Oh, hang on..." her face dropped. "This is _it_."

"Oh dear. What do you mean by 'it'?"

"I mean this is the giant waterfall of death!"

Will and Elizabeth were again hassling Barbossa about their current situation, which was quite simply _lost. _In amongst all the commotion, the brothers appeared from below.

"All hands to stations!" was shouted throughout the ship, as they began to gain some speed.

"What's happening?" Joe asked.

"We're about to fall off the edge of the world," Katy replied, full of dread. Not long ago, she had stupidly thought swinging from one ship to another on a rope was bad... but it was nothing compared to _this._

"Oh, fun..." Kevin thought back to his hazy memory of the scene in the film.

"Think of it as a ride in Disney World?" tried Joe. "Em... a very realistic one."

Will ran past them. "Rudder full. Hard aport! Gather way!" he ordered.

"Nay, belay that!" interrupted Barbs.

"Do something else!" Katy yelled at everyone.

The crew halted and shot her baffled looks. They had been explicitly told to ignore her, but still... an order like that was just weird.

"Sorry, it was in the bloopers," Katy murmured, sidling away from Barbs, who looked quite irritated.

The sound of the waterfall was becoming very threatening.

"I hope it isn't that far down..." fretted Alex.

"We'll be fine," Joe, to his own surprise, found himself reassuring her.

Katy couldn't believe it was so difficult to get to this bloody locker. She concluded that there must have been an easier and safer route; therefore it was all Barbossa's fault. And she wasn't the only one who was thinking along those lines.

"You've doomed us all!" Elizabeth accused Barbie.

"Yes, you have, Hector!" Katy enthusiastically agreed. "Where the HECK did you take us?" Plus. It was just so fun to call him by his first name.

"Who names their child 'Hector Barbossa'?" Nick joked along with her.

"I know. Hector is like 'heck'!" Kevin smirked.

"It's all angry and harsh," added Alex ponderingly.

"And 'Barbossa' sounds like 'Barbarian'," Joe said.

"It also sounds like 'Barbara'," continued Katy. "Interesting..."

"And with 'Hector' and 'Barbossa' combined-"

"Shut it!" Barbossa interrupted them all. "And hold onto something, if ye want to survive." Something in his tone suggested _he_ didn't want them to survive, after such brutal attacks on his name.

"Oh, we didn't mean that..." Katy lied, now seriously fearing his wrath. "It's a beautiful name. Oh, wait... not beautiful as in girly, but a real robust, manly strength," she rambled. Barbossa looked just as annoyed, so she attempted to dig herself _out _of the hole. "I see names as a representation of-"

"Stop it, Katy," Nick said, gently holding his finger to her lips. "And grab a rope," he held one out for her.

Alex had no doubts about the pair's newly fixed relationship now. She hoped they would _all _forgive her in time, and found a sturdy part of the ship to cling onto for dear life.

It was pandemonium as the ship approached the terrifying drop where the sea seemed to just disappear, and suddenly, Katy was in a panic yet again. "Wait! Where's Jack?"

There was a short pause as her friends, clutching various parts of the ship, stared at her.

"In the locker..." Alex replied slowly.

"Not him, the _monkey_!" cried Katy, letting go of the rigging to run off in search of her favourite animal. As her heart was bigger than her brain, Katy felt she should protect Jack from their doom.

Nick darted after her, trying to make her see sense. Shortly after that, the ship tipped violently into the darkness and everyone screamed...

* * *

_Wow, what an amazing first review... thank you so much. All feedback greatly appreciated, I'm sending out virtual cookies!! I've also decided that Turnips must have gills, and about Jack, Hazel and the peanut? You won't be disappointed :) all of that's coming up in the next chapter, lovies.  
__Unfortunately my exams are lurking, (you saw that one coming, didn't you?) and I'm so sorry about late updates. Or nonexistent updates. Don't worry, all that crap will be over at the end of June. After that, I won't have any excuses to not be writing, so feel free to send me death threats from _then_ on!_


	3. God forbid the peanut

**God forbid the peanut**

In her head, Hazel was back home; finally seeing people she'd missed, there was even hot water and electricity in the world again. Same boring routine after the other. Thing is, the whole time she _knew _that she was only dreaming… and that she really, really needed to wake up. But for some reason, her body wasn't quite up to it.

She was unconscious, and had been for quite some time.

In coma-land, Hazel happened to dreaming she was at the cinema, watching the very movie she'd been transported into. At the bit where Jack's in the locker, it gradually started to get louder. So loud Jack's shouting seemed to give her a headache. It was almost as if he was there, really close…

She started tossing and turning and then suddenly her eyes shot open.

"Where the hell am I?" she asked herself. Having no idea what the answer was, she panicked.

It was like the worst hangover ever, her head was pounding. Sitting up, she realized how incredibly stiff her joints were. Actually, she hurt all over. She tried to stand up but her muscles were like jelly. So she settled for scrutinizing her surroundings. Something about them was vaguely familiar.

She glanced behind her and looked out of the shattered windows, the harsh sunlight was blinding… but she could make out sand. A_ lot_ of sand. A desert? But she appeared to be in a ship, and those two things don't generally go hand in hand. Then she remembered – this was Davy Jones' Locker. The memories came flooding back.

So where the hell was she? She'd answered her own question when she asked it – it really was _hell_, to a certain degree.

She heard Jack's voice harshly cutting the silence. Thank goodness _somebody_ was there… even if it was a delusional pirate who was talking to himself. Hazel slowly managed to mobilize herself and again attempted to stand up, experiencing the biggest head rush ever. She was getting the feeling that a long time had passed. Odd…

Then, she noticed another strange thing – ripped up pieces of material wrapped around her arm. What the frig? She unwrapped it, widening her eyes at a huge gash... and curiously, it looked fairly healed.

"It's just a flesh wound," she told herself, somewhat shakily. Normally, she wasn't squeamish at all, but when you can't remember how you actually acquired the wound? It's slightly alarming.

She managed to walk out of the cabin, looking around the deck, almost imagining the multiple Jacks around the place… but it was completely deserted. This _wasn't_ a good sign. What's to say she wasn't just experiencing her own delusion?

"Jack?"

In a desperate search finally she spotted him, wandering around down in the sand beside the ship. Naturally, he was muttering to himself. "Yes, I know, but why would he do that? Well, because he's a lummox, isn't he?"

Hazel was reassured. She recognized that line.

"And we shall have a magnificent garden party and you're not invited…"

She watched his behaviour for quite some time. It was hysterical. But eventually she felt the need to make herself known, so with some difficulty, she climbed down the ladder on the side of the ship and crept behind him.

"Now we're being followed by rocks," Jack mumbled to himself. "Never had that before..."

"And _now _you're being followed by an injured woman. Never had that one before, have you?"

Jack spun around, eyes wide. "You!" he pointed at her. "Since when are you awake?"

"Since I woke up, I suppose," she said, confused.

He walked over to her and studied her face, prodding her shoulder briefly, almost making sure she was real.

Hazel sighed hopelessly, but she couldn't really blame him. He had been hallucinating a lot recently.

"I am _here_," Hazel eventually told him.

"No, you've been _not _here for weeks now."

She looked at him blankly. "... That made absolutely no sense."

"You were out cold," he clarified. "For some weeks. Stopped keeping track of time, but-"

"What? _Weeks_? PLURAL?" she was horrified. She knew this 'movie' that she was stuck in already defied the laws of physics, gravity, reality in general... but the fact they'd somehow survived in a desert without food and water? "You're wrong. That's _impossible_."

He shook his head. "It's purgatory, darling."

Taking all of this in was a little overwhelming, but Hazel couldn't let it show. "I _know_ that. It's supposed to be your worst fear stretched out for all eternity, right? And your fear is being away from the sea... hence, all the sand."

Now it was his turn to look irritated. "Thanks awfully for clarifying that."

"No problem. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to have a meltdown..." she started up the ladder again. Which was easier said than done, because she was in quite a bit of pain. She didn't care. There was a comfortable bed up there for her to collapse on.

"You don't like all this?" he sighed. "You should have got on the boat."

She flinched. She hadn't thought what had happened in the moments _before_ they'd been swallowed by the kraken until now. "_Don't_ remind me."

"What, that you were incredibly stupid?"

"Yeah. For the same reason why I don't remind you that you're incredibly annoying: you already know it."

And she already_ knew_ that she had been stupid before. As she climbed up the ship, again she wished she'd just gone with her friends as the kraken took down the Pearl, and not been so stubborn.

She only temporarily escaped Jack, because he was soon up on the deck with her.

"There's really _nothing_ out here…" she muttered quietly.

"Except me!"

"Oh, goodie."

Purgatory with Jack? She knew there was a good chance she'd be just as insane as him within the hour. Angrily, he continued to study the tediously lifeless horizon. Consequently, she needed someone to blame, so...

"It's hardly _my_ doing," Jack objected, seemingly reading her thoughts.

"Actually, it _is_," she told him firmly. "What did you think would happen if you made a deal with _Davy Jones,_ of all evils?"

He thought about it for a second. "He was much more charismatic thirteen years ago."

Hazel was irritated at this quick wit.

"He did raise me ship," Jack insisted.

"So that's thirteen short years on your ship, which you didn't even get because of the mutiny, traded for what? He owns your bloody soul now."

"Freedom is worth any price, love."

"Even this?" she motioned to their torturous surroundings.

"It's not so bad," he shrugged.

She laughed pityingly. "Ha. You're going mad. You can't even tell if I'm real or just another illusion."

"_Another _illusion…?"

She smirked slyly. "I know you've been seeing things, talking to yourself. Don't panic, after a few weeks of solitary confinement, it's normal. Probably."

"I'll dismiss that accusation. And I _know_ for a fact that you're real," he came over all presumptuous.

"No, you don't."

"If I was _truly_ imagining you, you'd have shut up by now and have a lot less clothing on."

She really didn't appreciate that comment, mostly because the thought of Jack and his craziness while she just lay there comatose was a little scary. "I swear, Jack…"

"I had to bandage you," he said, feigning innocence.

"I hope it was actually _necessary_, this bandaging," she peered at the material wrapped around her arm again.

"Krakens do have this sharp-toothed quality about them. You were bleeding. A _lot_," he stressed.

"Where, exactly?" She looked down at herself apprehensively. She couldn't tell where all these alleged wounds were, she just ached all over.

"There's wounds on your arms and legs." If it was possible, he was turning more serious.

"How severe…?"

"Trust me, love, you've seen my scars, I know what is serious and what isn't..."

"That bad, then." She knew she couldn't afford to be injured _here_.

He could see her panic. "You're breathing. Take that as a good sign?"

Where was Will the nurse when you needed him? From what Hazel had heard, he's actually removed a bullet out of Alex's arm…

_Alex._

She did not want to think about her right now.

Jack misinterpreted this as panic regarding her wounds. "They'll heal easy," he said dismissively.

Yeah right. She was sure that that friendship would never heal… and now she needed to take her mind off that for now. "Even so, I think I did remarkably well. My limbs might be a bit scraped, but I do still _have _them," she beamed.

"Ah, but some of us manage to stay conscious," he teased.

"Yeah, you had to go and outdo me, there's not as much as a _mark_ on you. Lucky basterd."

He smirked, pleased with himself.

"Why has this has gotten so sore all of a sudden?" she continued to complain, and to her frustration, she discovered the cut on her arm had managed to re-open itself.

"That was your own doing," Jack added.

"How was that my doing?" she cried, her hand now covered in blood.

"You shouldn't have gone climbing up and down my ship when you've barely recovered…" he disappeared below deck briefly.

Hazel was gritting her teeth. She felt like a flipping damsel in distress being told to rest. And she _hated_ it. Hated it with a passion.

Jack reappeared with some more ripped up pieces of sail, and instead of letting him do it for her, she attempted to treat herself. After a few minutes of sighing and swearing under her breath, and Jack standing there laughing at her, she admitted she couldn't bandage herself with just one good hand.

"I cannot believe you're doing this," she murmured, as he wrapped the material around her arm.

"There's not much else to do, I could use a project."

"Well, hopefully we're getting out of here soon."

"How's that?"

"Just watch out for the crabs. then you'll see."

He shot her a bemused look.

"I'm not going crazy yet, just keep an eye out."

"For crustaceans?" he asked mockingly.

"For crustaceans," she nodded.

He rolled his eyes. "So, your ever-reliable future predicting powers have returned, have they?"

"Yep. I must be getting better."

"You must."

There was a pause as he applied pressure to stop the bleeding.

"You seriously did all this when I was knocked out?" she asked him, not quite believing it.

"No… the crabs saved your life," he said sarcastically. "I mean, look at them all," he gestured all around. "They're bloody everywhere."

"They're coming!"

"Of course," he replied point-blank. "What would my torment be without _crabs_ to mock me?"

The bleeding on her arm finally subsided and he tied the bandage, his hands lingering there for just a little longer than was necessary...

The atmosphere had changed, and she needed to at least make an effort to be sincere. "Thanks…" she muttered. "And while I'm still sane, thanks for bandaging me all this time."

"What was I going to do, let you bleed to death?"

Hazel sighed. Getting a genuine response from Jack was impossible. Then her eyes drifted to something familiar on the railing of the Pearl behind him.

"Don't touch it," came Jack's stern warning, before she had even taken a step towards it.

"Oh, God forbid the peanut," she rolled her eyes.

"It's in _my_ procession," he moved towards it defensively.

This was hardly fair. Until now Jack hadn't cared about the fact that Hazel and her friends were effectively living off his food while they were on the ship. So what was so special about this one peanut?

"Oh, don't worry," she said, feigning some understanding. "Obviously I can understand why you'd be so protective over something as priceless as _that._"

"Aye, itis priceless. Priceless and _mine_." Bizarrely, he didn't seem to pick up on her sarcasm. Or rather, he just didn't _want_ to.

Not before long, all that could be heard from Davy Jones' locker was:

"MY PEANUT!"

"NO, _MY_ PEANUT!"

"IT'S MINE!"

"I SAW IT FIRST!"

Eventually Hazel snatched it off him. It wasn't like she was at the stage of craziness where she was seeing doubles of herself... yet. She didn't even know why she was bothering with this nonsense. Theoretically speaking she should have been running away from the thing, fearing for her life, as Hazel was _allergic _to peanuts.

His tone was becoming amusingly high-pitched. "Give it. Give it!"

She just laughed at him. "I love it when there's that urgency to your voice. It means something's gone terribly wrong in your world."

And to Hazel's delight, her wittiness only made him more annoyed. She was realizing that Jack's childlike possessiveness over the peanut was just asking for her to mess around with him. That's why she was bothering. And_ that's_ why she became attracted to the idea of drowning said peanut.

"Say goodbye to Mister Peanut!"

Jack held a grim expression as he approached her with caution, eyes fixed on the peanut that she was rolling around in her fingers whilst leaning over the side of the Pearl. "If you so much as dare..." he warned her.

"Jack...?" Hazel began seriously.

"Aye?"

"I live to dare," she grinned, balancing the peanut on her thumb and flicking it away off the ship with her finger.

There was an eerie silence.

Jack was staring at her darkly. "But _dare _you_ live_ after doing that?"

"Yup, I'm good with it. Peanut overboard, captain." Hazel sincerely hoped she wasn't toying with the 'angry' Jack clone, you remember the one who killed a sailor on the spot for not tying a bloody knot tight enough? What would he do to her?

"Some day you'll pay for that," he sighed.

Ah, good. No violence _yet_. She could now continue to torture him. Yay!

"That was _my _peanut."

"But sharing is caring!" Hazel insisted.

"It's not about sharing, it's about downright _theft_!"

"You. Are. A. Pirate! You thieve for a living! I _borrow_ a measly peanut and you judge me?"

"Not only did you steal it, you _lost _it." Judging from his expression, he was vividly imagining that peanut drowning.

"Look, I know you've been going mad out here, but you should realize that there's no water down there. It's _sand_. Your blessed peanut's not gone far."

"It would be a lot closer if you weren't here."

"Oh, _thanks_. I've only been conscious a half hour," she sighed. "Just find some more! You probably have a stash of them on your ship somewhere."

Jack frowned, baffled at this whole prospect of _looking for something. _He just doesn't seem the type to have all his stuff precisely organized.

She knew it probably wasn't a good idea to compete with him in search of more peanuts, as she'd just noticed a rash on her hand. Her allergies must have been transported with her when she got herself shoved out of her life into this piratey situation. Hopefully her throat wouldn't start to close over. She'd really hate to be in_ another_ near death experience.

She'd also hate to die in the name of annoying Jack Sparrow. Then again, she'd already managed to die in the name of rebelling against a certain back-stabbing, so-called friend...

"That peanut was one of a kind," grumbled Jack, interrupting her thoughts.

"That's just tragic." She hoped he'd lose interest soon. Plus, she had her allergies to consider. _That_ would be her excuse...

"Do hasten to the peanut's rescue, dearie."

"I'm afraid I can't, Jack, for you see there are allergies to consider," she gestured to the faint rash on her hand.

Jack sighed at the term 'allergies'. To him, this was just another word she had made up, to confuse him. She would then justify her actions with the phrase 'It's from the future, you wouldn't understand'.

"The peanut would have wanted you to move on. Go find something else to obsess over."

She leaned on the railing, wishing for the crabs to hurry up and hatch out from their little stone shells to carry the ship out to sea. She'd always wondered how thousands of them just appear_, _and she didn't know how much more of this bloody locker business she could take. She actually sympathized with Jack, he had the misfortune of being _awake_ this entire time, because without the sea to keep him happy, Jack's mental health was...

Questionable.

* * *

_Yes, the death threat with the ice REALLY got to me. Thus, this update has arrived._

_However… I have a lot of exams on at the minute, so you should expect chapter 4 in about six weeks... sorry about that, but you have my word! Look out for it late June!  
Hazel __(:_


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